Struggles
Have you ever known, intellectually, what you needed to do, but struggled to find the faith to do it? That's where I am, right now, as I sit here. Today, I have eaten 12 thin Oreo's (not joking, thin Oreo's are a thing), not sure how many Doritos's, same with the hot pork rinds, 12 Ritz crackers, 6 slices of salami and 3 slices of smoked Gouda.
#1 - I have a thing for multiples of 3
#2 - I need to stop joking about the above.
#3 - I need to figure out how to find it within myself to turn my destructive food behaviors over to a power greater than myself. I know this is something that I must so, but, how do I go about it? Knowing something in your brain, and knowing it in your heart, are not the same thing. If your brain could tell your heart what to believe, how to feel, what to do, the world would be a better place.
Food is my illness. I can go into brief periods of remission, but the illness is still there, waiting to rear it's ugly head.
I know one of the hardest times for me are when I'm alone, and I knew that would be a problem for me this morning when I woke up and had my first 4 Oreo's before leaving for a meeting. But, when I got back home I didn't do anything to stop it. I didn't get on the elliptical or take the dog for a walk like I planned on. It's 3:39 pm and I'm not even at 2500 steps for the day. Usually, on a work day, I'm at or above 5000 steps already! Moving, walking, getting outside all would have kept me from eating. I knew that. I told myself that, but I still did it anyhow. Each bite I told myself that I shouldn't take it, I shouldn't do it, but I went ahead and did anyhow. Now I feel sick to my stomach, and sick in my head, and sick in my heart, and I'm miserable, but, I keep thinking about a party I'm going to tonight, the two dips that I'm making, and the potato skins that will be there. My heart is saying that it can't wait, my head is saying I'm a moron and my stomach is saying it's had enough for today.
My head is saying that I'm out of control, but my heart is not listening. It keeps saying that I'm fine. I feel like I'm torn in half, with one reasonable part and one unreasonable part, living in conflict with one another.
#1 - I have a thing for multiples of 3
#2 - I need to stop joking about the above.
#3 - I need to figure out how to find it within myself to turn my destructive food behaviors over to a power greater than myself. I know this is something that I must so, but, how do I go about it? Knowing something in your brain, and knowing it in your heart, are not the same thing. If your brain could tell your heart what to believe, how to feel, what to do, the world would be a better place.
Food is my illness. I can go into brief periods of remission, but the illness is still there, waiting to rear it's ugly head.
I know one of the hardest times for me are when I'm alone, and I knew that would be a problem for me this morning when I woke up and had my first 4 Oreo's before leaving for a meeting. But, when I got back home I didn't do anything to stop it. I didn't get on the elliptical or take the dog for a walk like I planned on. It's 3:39 pm and I'm not even at 2500 steps for the day. Usually, on a work day, I'm at or above 5000 steps already! Moving, walking, getting outside all would have kept me from eating. I knew that. I told myself that, but I still did it anyhow. Each bite I told myself that I shouldn't take it, I shouldn't do it, but I went ahead and did anyhow. Now I feel sick to my stomach, and sick in my head, and sick in my heart, and I'm miserable, but, I keep thinking about a party I'm going to tonight, the two dips that I'm making, and the potato skins that will be there. My heart is saying that it can't wait, my head is saying I'm a moron and my stomach is saying it's had enough for today.
My head is saying that I'm out of control, but my heart is not listening. It keeps saying that I'm fine. I feel like I'm torn in half, with one reasonable part and one unreasonable part, living in conflict with one another.
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