A Ladybug's Journey

It's been 17 days since my total meltdown.  I've started off strong and hope to remain that way.  It isn't easy.  I'm taking it one day at a time.  Each day I make the decision of I will work out, if I will eat right.  I don't think about yesterday, I don't worry about tomorrow.  Today is all that counts in the weight loss journey. I had a huge loss the first week, and a more normal one this week.  That's normal.  The first week of a new weight loss program you usually lose a lot of stored water wight.  Whatever the reason, it's gone, and that's what counts. I've been on a new eating program also since I started trying to be healthier again.  It's something my doctor told me about.  She found it when she was pregnant and had gestational diabetes.  It's a carb counting program where you just look at the carb values of the foods you are eating.  2-3 snacks per day, no more than 15 carbs each. 3 meals a day between 30 and...

I can't remember how many times I've said "today is the last time I start over". I can't remember how many times I've forgotten how bad it feels to start over. I can't remember how many tears I have shed over the scale, over the kitchen, and over myself. I've never before gained 18.8 lbs in 40 days. Do the math.  That's almost 1/2 a day.  Who does that?  What kind of life does that person live?  Not a happy one.  Maybe happy at times, but not in general. Yesterday was the worst I've ever felt about myself in my life.  I truly feel it was my lowest low.  I gave in to it, I let it consume me.  Then I listened to by husband, and one of my closest friends and it's time to move past it. It's time to start again, for the last time.  I wiped the slate clean - started a new account in my weight/food tracking app.  I don't want to see what I did before, I just want to move forward.  It doesn't matter what I did yesterday, last month or l...