A Ladybug's Journey

I gained 3.2 lbs.  I'm retaining water and I had pasta with a thick vodka cream sauce and garlic rolls a few times this week.  I also have not been drinking the water that I have been the past few weeks.  While all these things have lead to a gain, I've decided that it's not a setback.  It's a learning experience. What did I learn? Vodka cream sauce pasta doesn't taste as good at the last bite, for the third meal, that it did at the first bite of the first meal.  Moderation.  If I want it, have it, but have it once, and maybe not a full plate of it.  The first garlic roll tastes better than the third.  Eat one, and move on. I need to drink water. Especially when I'm busy at work and the time is flying.  If I need to set an alarm, that's what I need to do. Most importantly, if i reach for my water, and it's gone, don't put off refilling it.  That's my biggest fault. I like sweets - so I need to do something to not crave them....

A lot has changed in the past year. We moved from Oregon back to Florida.  I feel like a person split between two homes.  I love being back near my family, and I enjoy working in the location I'm in now, but, I miss the life I had, and the people who were in my life back in Oregon.  We haven't found our niche here. We did something we've always wanted to do - we became Disney Annual Passholders.  I love it.  We've already used our passes several times in the few months since we've gotten them and have two more trips planned in the next two months or so.  It feels great to be in a place in our lives that we can do something like this, when it seemed so far out of our reach a few years ago. Recently, this weekend actually, I also have learned that another family member has had bariatric surgery (several years ago)..  I'm going to be contacting his office this week to schedule an appointment as soon as they can see me, and my schedule permits, which...

I thought about deleting all the old posts I have on here,  and "starting fresh"... but that's not really a fresh start is it?  Sure, the past wouldn't be here, for anyone to see if they are looking, but it's still with me, still haunting me, so best to make peace with it and let it lay in the past. So here I am, 3.5 years after my last post and approx 30 lbs heavier. I made a decision last week, to have bariatric surgery.  I've decided to do it in the past, 15 years ago, but I switched insurance companies and it was no longer covered.  I thought that was the end of the bariatric road.  Someone recently suggested that I do it - I told them the insurance thing - and they suggested something that no one had mentioned before, and it never occurred to me.  Pay for it myself. So I am.  I'm going to do it. I have an appointment in a month.  It was the earliest available.  Hoping to be able to schedule it for late May/early June.  I'll ...

Sunday was the 2nd week of TrackTown Fitness.  It was once again an amazing morning (not too sure how many more we will get) in an inspirational location.  I love getting out there on the beautiful track at Hayward Field and walking in the company of 200 other people, some walking, some running and some with a combo of both.  There are Olympians and the 2016 USA Track & Field Coach is the one leading our program.  I am truly lucky for this opportunity. TrackTown USA Thursday starts the Walktober challenge at work, where we will be challenged to walk 10,000 steps each day, with a prize at 100,000, 200,000, and 300,000 steps (10, 20 and 30 days).  I'm looking forward to the challenge.  I've already been trying to hit my 10,000 steps, but some days I let myself slack.  I'm hoping working towards this challenge will help me hit my goals on days I feel like slacking. Yesterday was the Super Harvest Moon.  Babe and I went out in ...

I did it.  I had a loss.  And a BIG loss at that.  I feel it is really a reflection of 2 weeks worth of work, not just one, however, it was an AMAZING loss!  I have now lost 5% of my highest weight and I'm 1 lb away from a 23 lb loss!!! I am totally going to go today what I always promised myself I never would.  I am going to celebrate a scale loss with a food reward.  However... before you start your lecture... It's going to be with the first salad I ever learned to love.  I'm going to lunch with some gals and I'm having salad.. and yes, maybe a breadstick or two. I worked hard this week, next week I will work harder.  My birthday gift to myself will be a loss, after pizza on my birthday.  I might weigh in Friday morning though, if I plan on drinking on Friday night.  We'll see, I might not drink.

I am feeling pretty defeated at the moment. I gained 1.5 over last week's loss, which was 2.3 over yesterday's weigh in (yes, I know, i shouldn't have gotten on the scale yesterday, but I did). I thought  I was doing pretty damn good.  I was under my calorie goal all week, was getting all my water and only didn't hit my 10,000 steps and 30 min workout 2 days last week. By the numbers, I should  have lost. I really didn't think having a cheat meal last night for the game would have done all this bad, but, It seems that it did. Oh, well, time to refocus.  Last week is now in the past and today is the start of a new week.  Time to pick myself back up, brush off the negativity and move on for another week. Let's see what is brings.

Ok, I did have a strong start... then a not to strong decline... I finished a few weeks ago at my highest weight ever. 354.3 pounds.  I would like to point out that was 14.4 lbs ABOVE my January 1 weight.  14.4 lbs ABOVE the "I will never be back here" line. But, that's neither here no there. I'm back on the wagon. What changed? Nothing.  And everything. I cannot blame anyone, or any situation, other than myself. Was I lazy? Yes. Was I lacking support? Maybe. Was it easier to sit on the couch after work and eat whatever I want whenever I want? Yes.  Definately. But, life isn't easy.  Life shouldn't  be easy.  And I don't want it to be. Since I fell "off" the wagon we have adopted a puppy and a kitten.  Why?  Some say I'm wanting to have kids already, and they would be right. I don't want to be that  mom.  The one that doesn't play with her kids.  That doesn't chase them, encourage them to chase her...

It's been 17 days since my total meltdown.  I've started off strong and hope to remain that way.  It isn't easy.  I'm taking it one day at a time.  Each day I make the decision of I will work out, if I will eat right.  I don't think about yesterday, I don't worry about tomorrow.  Today is all that counts in the weight loss journey. I had a huge loss the first week, and a more normal one this week.  That's normal.  The first week of a new weight loss program you usually lose a lot of stored water wight.  Whatever the reason, it's gone, and that's what counts. I've been on a new eating program also since I started trying to be healthier again.  It's something my doctor told me about.  She found it when she was pregnant and had gestational diabetes.  It's a carb counting program where you just look at the carb values of the foods you are eating.  2-3 snacks per day, no more than 15 carbs each. 3 meals a day between 30 and...

I can't remember how many times I've said "today is the last time I start over". I can't remember how many times I've forgotten how bad it feels to start over. I can't remember how many tears I have shed over the scale, over the kitchen, and over myself. I've never before gained 18.8 lbs in 40 days. Do the math.  That's almost 1/2 a day.  Who does that?  What kind of life does that person live?  Not a happy one.  Maybe happy at times, but not in general. Yesterday was the worst I've ever felt about myself in my life.  I truly feel it was my lowest low.  I gave in to it, I let it consume me.  Then I listened to by husband, and one of my closest friends and it's time to move past it. It's time to start again, for the last time.  I wiped the slate clean - started a new account in my weight/food tracking app.  I don't want to see what I did before, I just want to move forward.  It doesn't matter what I did yesterday, last month or l...