A Ladybug's Journey

I gained 3.2 lbs.  I'm retaining water and I had pasta with a thick vodka cream sauce and garlic rolls a few times this week.  I also have not been drinking the water that I have been the past few weeks.  While all these things have lead to a gain, I've decided that it's not a setback.  It's a learning experience. What did I learn? Vodka cream sauce pasta doesn't taste as good at the last bite, for the third meal, that it did at the first bite of the first meal.  Moderation.  If I want it, have it, but have it once, and maybe not a full plate of it.  The first garlic roll tastes better than the third.  Eat one, and move on. I need to drink water. Especially when I'm busy at work and the time is flying.  If I need to set an alarm, that's what I need to do. Most importantly, if i reach for my water, and it's gone, don't put off refilling it.  That's my biggest fault. I like sweets - so I need to do something to not crave them....

A lot has changed in the past year. We moved from Oregon back to Florida.  I feel like a person split between two homes.  I love being back near my family, and I enjoy working in the location I'm in now, but, I miss the life I had, and the people who were in my life back in Oregon.  We haven't found our niche here. We did something we've always wanted to do - we became Disney Annual Passholders.  I love it.  We've already used our passes several times in the few months since we've gotten them and have two more trips planned in the next two months or so.  It feels great to be in a place in our lives that we can do something like this, when it seemed so far out of our reach a few years ago. Recently, this weekend actually, I also have learned that another family member has had bariatric surgery (several years ago)..  I'm going to be contacting his office this week to schedule an appointment as soon as they can see me, and my schedule permits, which...

I thought about deleting all the old posts I have on here,  and "starting fresh"... but that's not really a fresh start is it?  Sure, the past wouldn't be here, for anyone to see if they are looking, but it's still with me, still haunting me, so best to make peace with it and let it lay in the past. So here I am, 3.5 years after my last post and approx 30 lbs heavier. I made a decision last week, to have bariatric surgery.  I've decided to do it in the past, 15 years ago, but I switched insurance companies and it was no longer covered.  I thought that was the end of the bariatric road.  Someone recently suggested that I do it - I told them the insurance thing - and they suggested something that no one had mentioned before, and it never occurred to me.  Pay for it myself. So I am.  I'm going to do it. I have an appointment in a month.  It was the earliest available.  Hoping to be able to schedule it for late May/early June.  I'll ...

I did it.  I had a loss.  And a BIG loss at that.  I feel it is really a reflection of 2 weeks worth of work, not just one, however, it was an AMAZING loss!  I have now lost 5% of my highest weight and I'm 1 lb away from a 23 lb loss!!! I am totally going to go today what I always promised myself I never would.  I am going to celebrate a scale loss with a food reward.  However... before you start your lecture... It's going to be with the first salad I ever learned to love.  I'm going to lunch with some gals and I'm having salad.. and yes, maybe a breadstick or two. I worked hard this week, next week I will work harder.  My birthday gift to myself will be a loss, after pizza on my birthday.  I might weigh in Friday morning though, if I plan on drinking on Friday night.  We'll see, I might not drink.

I am feeling pretty defeated at the moment. I gained 1.5 over last week's loss, which was 2.3 over yesterday's weigh in (yes, I know, i shouldn't have gotten on the scale yesterday, but I did). I thought  I was doing pretty damn good.  I was under my calorie goal all week, was getting all my water and only didn't hit my 10,000 steps and 30 min workout 2 days last week. By the numbers, I should  have lost. I really didn't think having a cheat meal last night for the game would have done all this bad, but, It seems that it did. Oh, well, time to refocus.  Last week is now in the past and today is the start of a new week.  Time to pick myself back up, brush off the negativity and move on for another week. Let's see what is brings.

Ok, I did have a strong start... then a not to strong decline... I finished a few weeks ago at my highest weight ever. 354.3 pounds.  I would like to point out that was 14.4 lbs ABOVE my January 1 weight.  14.4 lbs ABOVE the "I will never be back here" line. But, that's neither here no there. I'm back on the wagon. What changed? Nothing.  And everything. I cannot blame anyone, or any situation, other than myself. Was I lazy? Yes. Was I lacking support? Maybe. Was it easier to sit on the couch after work and eat whatever I want whenever I want? Yes.  Definately. But, life isn't easy.  Life shouldn't  be easy.  And I don't want it to be. Since I fell "off" the wagon we have adopted a puppy and a kitten.  Why?  Some say I'm wanting to have kids already, and they would be right. I don't want to be that  mom.  The one that doesn't play with her kids.  That doesn't chase them, encourage them to chase her...

I can't remember how many times I've said "today is the last time I start over". I can't remember how many times I've forgotten how bad it feels to start over. I can't remember how many tears I have shed over the scale, over the kitchen, and over myself. I've never before gained 18.8 lbs in 40 days. Do the math.  That's almost 1/2 a day.  Who does that?  What kind of life does that person live?  Not a happy one.  Maybe happy at times, but not in general. Yesterday was the worst I've ever felt about myself in my life.  I truly feel it was my lowest low.  I gave in to it, I let it consume me.  Then I listened to by husband, and one of my closest friends and it's time to move past it. It's time to start again, for the last time.  I wiped the slate clean - started a new account in my weight/food tracking app.  I don't want to see what I did before, I just want to move forward.  It doesn't matter what I did yesterday, last month or l...

I still haven't gone to a Weight Watchers meeting, however, based on my scale at home I've down 5.2 lbs in just two weeks.  That's an amazing 'tell' into how my body has been reacting to gluten. Also, I have to admit, there was gluten in my life on Tuesday.  We went to meet with the caterer and we were not planning on tasting anything while there, and we hadn't told him about the gluten sensitivity, because at that time we still were not 100% sure that this was something that was going to be taking place in a year.  We were still thinking that we could have gluten every now and again, maybe feel a little bad, but not too terrible. That is not the case. Within 30 min of eating a handful of croutons, 1 roll, and a crostini with cheese, I had a headache.  My bedtime I was all achy and feeling run down.  In the morning I woke up and I felt like myself... not the recent self who has been feeling amazingly better, but my 'before' self, in pain, cranky, s...

... of being 100% gluten free that is.  It's going pretty well.I've been surprised to find the things that do, and don't, contain gluten.  I've also learned that I'd rather do without bread, than deal with the nasty bread that we've tried so far. Here are some of the meals that we've had since going gluten free, that I've taken photos of: The two above are a flourless, doughless, gluten-free pizza.  Recipe from Pintrest can be found here . We really enjoyed this pizza, more than we ever imagined we would.  I'll make it again though by baking it on a pizza stone the second time around (it's a two bake process). Okay, we may have a pizza problem around here... These are pics of pizza's we ordered from Abby's .  A bit expensive, but they were gluten free, and awesome.  Definitely a place for an indulgent delivery pizza. While this doesn't look appetizing, it really was!  Tilapia with brown rice and black beans -...

I usually dread going to the doctor - like the plague.  I think most people do, but for those who are overweight it's a unique kind of torture.  If it isn't bad enough feeling bad about yourself and your weight problems, you have a health care professional preaching about how much weight loss would improve your quality of life.  For some people hearing this once is enough to snap them out of it and they turn themselves around... this does not happen to most people. I've always been told about my family history, about my young age, about options (medical and otherwise), and I made excuses, and lied about what I had been trying, and eventually would just switch doctor's, or stop going all together for a while. Last May I decided to stop hiding from the doctor's and to start going whenever they told me to, however often they told me to.  I have a doctor that I officially 'belong' to, but I don't actually see him. In stead I see a nurse practitioner who ...

After last weekend, eating out so much, not tracking my points, etc. I am happy to say that I did not have a gain this week.  Even better?  I achieved TWO milestones today! 5% of starting weight, GONE 3rd 5lb loss Even Weight Watchers Online threw me a mini celebration!   That was GREAT to see.  Made me want to go out and run... but since it was time for dinner I did that instead. Want to see my milestones so far? Ok, so, when I selected my next weight loss goal that last star went away, but I made sure to get this screen shot first, so that I could remember this feeling.  It's amazing. My next goal will be at 10% weight loss, which will be 299.8 lbs.  That will be a HUGE milestone for me, as not only will it be the 10% reached, and all the 5lbs that it will take from now to then... I'll be under 300 lbs.  I don't think I've been under 300 since around 2004.  That's huge.  That's amazing!  It will be lighter th...

Bad week doesn't begin to describe it.  Work-wise, it sucked.  Weight-loss-wise... it was worse. I knew I had gained.  I went into the weigh in conscientiously knowing that there was going to be a gain.  And I didn't switch into my 'weight-in' clothes, so I knew my jeans would add some weight also. I still didn't expect what I saw. I gained.  But not just a little bit... I GAINED!!! It was bad.  Really bad. However, there is no point in dwelling on the past.  It's done and gone.  (If you want to see how bad, it's in the tracker page.) On a positive note.  I bought new sneakers today.  They are super comfortable and I hope that they will help with my arch cramping.  I'm looking forward to the gym next week. Brooks Adrenaline GTS 13

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Today was a GREAT weigh in!  I lost another 5.8 today.  While that on it's own is great (yes, loosing a bit more than I should be at a time, but I have a lot to loose, I know that will change), I make TWO small milestones today.  I reached both 10 lbs total loss AND 15 lbs total loss.  I am beyond happy about this! Also, yesterday Jessy and I tried a new pizza recipe from www.emilybites.com .  Her website is amazing, and the pizza recipe is even better tasting that it looks!  Don't believe me? Try it out yourself.  You'll be happy and so will your tummy! Here's a pic from her site ... mine looked JUST THIS GOOD!   What are you waiting for?  Go get the ingredient list, run to the store, and make this today!!!

Tomorrow is weigh in #5.  Since I last posted I have had two AMAZING weight ins.  While I expect that I lost this week, I know that I won't have a third amazing loss in a row, I didn't do the work this week that I did last week or the week before.  How have I done?  I've lost 9.6 lbs in two weeks.  Yes, that is much higher than what is recommended, but it is not uncommon for someone at my weight to loose large amounts at one time in the beginning. Jessy bought us a new scale.  This is both a blessing and a curse.  The one we had before was not rated for over 300 lbs, so it was very unreliable for me.  I would step on and off several times in a row and each reading would be different from the other, often by several pounds.  The new scale? Well, it works.  Really works.  I can step on and off and on again as man times as I want, and it will always tell me the same amount.  Why is this a bad thing? I want to step on it all the ...

Last week's weight in was rough.  I gained 2 lbs.  I gained.   I gained.  Somehow writing it doesn't make it sink in any more than it did when it happened.  It doesn't feel right.  I was doing so good last week.  I tracked everything, I was active - well, more active than the week before.  I guess the two bad days from the first week caught up to me. Guess what though?  I didn't cry.  I didn't self hate.  I didn't put myself down.  Instead I turned around, marched to the wall with all the WW products to buy and I got myself the new WW 360 kit and an ActiveLink.  The kit is pretty cool, but my favorite two features are the 12 week tracker and the Success Guide.  It's written by someone who's lost weight successfully on Weight Watchers, THREE times!  Yeah, I know, I thought that first.  If she lost it three times, how is it working for her?  Well, the second and third times were after having children. ...

Hello, my name is Alex, and I'm a food addict. That's how I feel. Like there should be a food anonymous or something. Unlike other addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling) there's no way to avoid or quit this addiction cold turkey. We need food to survive, no matter how you look at it. The last few days I'm been trying to notice how often I think of food. It's a lot. I mean, an exhausting amount of time. If it's a meal time (which is a lot more than I'm accustomed to if I'm eating all my WW points), then I'm thinking about what I'm eating. After I eat I'm logging what I eat, both for WW and for my doctor, so double tracking. When I get home I also enter everything from my paper tracker to the computer. When I get home from work I cook dinner and before bed I prepare meals (breakfast/lunch/snacks) for the next day. The next morning I pack up all that I prepared the night before. In between all of that, even while I'm working, part of my m...

I had my first weight in today.  I lost 1.8 lbs.  I was hoping for an even 2, however this was not an easy week at all and I am very proud with what I accomplished. I had a very very rough day this week, and I resorted to eating to make myself feel better.  While it did make me feel better in the moment, in the long run, it did not.  However, I am proud of myself in that I wrote down EVERYTHING that I ate all week, even when it put me over points.  You know what?  The world didn't end.  It didn't stop turning.  And the best part?  I got up in the morning with a clean slate.  I put the day before behind me and moved on.  I learned that every morning is a reset, a clean slate.  It's a good feeling. Jessy is going to start WW.  He's still trying to figure out if he's going to go at it online, or at meetings with me.  For now I've changed my meetings from Saturday mornings to Friday afternoons, since I'll be working m...

Went to my first meeting this morning.  I was pleasantly surprised to know that my starting weight is actually 2 lbs lighter than I thought.  I updated all the info on here to reflect my 'official' WW starting weight.  I have a long way to go, but right now I'm just focusing on my first 5 lbs. Tonight is hurdle #1.  We're celebrating Jessy's birthday.  I've made southwestern egg rolls (yes, like Chili's, but these are baked), jalapeno popper dip, lil smokies in Sweet Baby Rays, and a coke cake.  Jill's making lil smokies in brown sugar, butter and croissants and Rika is making something else, I'm sure just as bad as the rest.  I commit to myself to keep track of everything that I eat.  I still have 25 pp (PointsPlus) left for today, and there's the weekly allowance that I can use also, but I'm going to try not to use those if I can help it.  I'm going to only eat until I'm satisfied, and have a few drinks.  It'...

This afternoon I did it.  I joined weight watchers, just like I said I would.  I joined online, bought a monthly pass.  I'll be going to my first meeting tomorrow morning, having my first weigh in.  I'll update my starting weight, since the weight watchers weigh ins will be my 'official' scale.  Also, I'll only be weighing myself at those weekly weigh ins. Jessy says that he's going to join Weight Watchers with me, but online.  He doesn't want to go to the meetings.  That's okay.  I know that I need the meetings, and I'm doing this for me, not anyone else. Mom is going to start on a sample dress for me soon.  It's going to be a sample of my wedding dress, in a less expensive fabric and in a larger size.  It's going to be something for me to work on getting into, and then for us to see if there's anything that I don't like about the style or anything else.  I think having that here, to look at every day, will be a huge motivator ...

I'm 30 years old. I have not been happy with my weight for as long as I can remember. Yes, I have a family history.  No, that is not an excuse - not anymore. I take 4 prescription medications a day. I want to get married.  I want to look back at my wedding photos with a smile on my face, not wishing that I looked different.  I don't want there to be a longing for what could have been. I want to have kids.  I want to be able to run around with them, jump on a trampoline, climb onto an inner tube, or do anything else that they want to do.  I want to teach them good eating habits. I want to be the person that I know I can be. My role model: My younger sister. She was unhappy with herself, with her weight.  She dedicated her mind to it, and she's been able to loose weight, in a healthy way, and she ENJOYS running.  I want to do that.  I will do that. I want to run in a marathon with my sister. There's no excuse.  No one cooks my ...