2015

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I can't remember how many times I've said "today is the last time I start over".

I can't remember how many times I've forgotten how bad it feels to start over.

I can't remember how many tears I have shed over the scale, over the kitchen, and over myself.

I've never before gained 18.8 lbs in 40 days.

Do the math.  That's almost 1/2 a day.  Who does that?  What kind of life does that person live?  Not a happy one.  Maybe happy at times, but not in general.

Yesterday was the worst I've ever felt about myself in my life.  I truly feel it was my lowest low.  I gave in to it, I let it consume me.  Then I listened to by husband, and one of my closest friends and it's time to move past it.

It's time to start again, for the last time.  I wiped the slate clean - started a new account in my weight/food tracking app.  I don't want to see what I did before, I just want to move forward.  It doesn't matter what I did yesterday, last month or last year.  It matters what I do today, and tomorrow, and next week.

This will be a good year.  I will do things I've never done before, I will be the person I've never been before, and 365 days from now I will have had the best New Years Day ever.

I will do it for myself.  I will do it for my husband.  I will do it for my friends. I will do it for my future kids.

We all deserve the person I can be, the person I'm destined to be.  I deserve to be her.  I will be her.

The journey will not be easy.  I will stumble and I will fall.  I will have undeserved gains and unexplained losses.  It doesn't matter, because it will all be part of the journey.

2015 will be the year that I become me.

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