Off the Wagon
I've fallen off of the wagon for the past few months.
It all started when my sister came to visit, and we went on a road trip. It was KFC, Taco Bell, Burgers, Donuts, etc. while she was here. During that long weekend I didn't track my points. From there, I stopped pre-planning my dinners for the week, then stopped tracking my days regularly, then just stopped all together. It didn't happen overnight, or even over a week... it took four months. Slowly during that time things made their way back into the house... chips, ice cream, little debbie snacks... popcorn toppings - do you know that I've never had popcorn toppings before now???
Summer has hit, and I am going outside, doing yard work, riding my new bike, but my weight is not dropping, nor are my inches.
I need to get back on track, start fresh. Maybe I should buy a new tracking book, instead of keeping with the unfilled one that I have, as a physical reminder of starting fresh.
Last week I was still at a 20 lb loss, I hope I still am. I have a feeling, a gut instinct, if I can get down to 25 lost, it will be the rejuvenation that I need.
Today I'm trying on wedding dresses, and I'm still over 300 lbs. When I started this journey in January, I honestly did not think I would just loose 20 lbs in 6 months... I truly thought I'd be at least at 40 lbs gone... averaging 2 lbs per week. I feel like I'm failing and there's nothing that I can do about it, but there's nothing that I'm doing to stop it either.
Being overweight doesn't make me happy... and contrary to popular believe it isn't easy being like this. Clothes are more expensive and harder to find. Keeping up with your friends and family is difficult. Simple things, like tying my shoe laces, putting on socks, or even worse, putting on and taking off my snow boots. Heck! Wearing my snow boots!
I don't want to be this way... but if I don't work at it, I won't fail. Crazy, I know, but it's the honest truth. And knowing, is not half the battle. Knowing is just part of accepting. Accepting does not lead to change. Wanting it is not enough. Someone how you have to believe that you can do it. I think that's the root of my problem - I don't know if I can do it, and I don't believe that I can. I've been overweight since I was 5 years old... how does one believe they can do something that they have not done in 25 years? 5/6th of my life I've been overweight. It's honestly all that I know.
I look at my sister and see glimmers of what I can be... In the beginning it was encouraging, now it's discouraging... I feel like I'm looking at what I will never be.
This has all been brought on by this afternoon's impending event.
I'm trying on wedding dresses. I did not think I would be doing this at 300+ lbs.
I don't want to see my hippo butt... or swollen legs and feet (which I am sure to have after working all day). Or my arms, ugh, my upper arms... At least I'm not as white as I was a month ago, that's a good thing.
I want to feel beautiful on my wedding day. How will I do that if I don't even feel pretty on a regular day?
It all started when my sister came to visit, and we went on a road trip. It was KFC, Taco Bell, Burgers, Donuts, etc. while she was here. During that long weekend I didn't track my points. From there, I stopped pre-planning my dinners for the week, then stopped tracking my days regularly, then just stopped all together. It didn't happen overnight, or even over a week... it took four months. Slowly during that time things made their way back into the house... chips, ice cream, little debbie snacks... popcorn toppings - do you know that I've never had popcorn toppings before now???
Summer has hit, and I am going outside, doing yard work, riding my new bike, but my weight is not dropping, nor are my inches.
I need to get back on track, start fresh. Maybe I should buy a new tracking book, instead of keeping with the unfilled one that I have, as a physical reminder of starting fresh.
Last week I was still at a 20 lb loss, I hope I still am. I have a feeling, a gut instinct, if I can get down to 25 lost, it will be the rejuvenation that I need.
Today I'm trying on wedding dresses, and I'm still over 300 lbs. When I started this journey in January, I honestly did not think I would just loose 20 lbs in 6 months... I truly thought I'd be at least at 40 lbs gone... averaging 2 lbs per week. I feel like I'm failing and there's nothing that I can do about it, but there's nothing that I'm doing to stop it either.
Being overweight doesn't make me happy... and contrary to popular believe it isn't easy being like this. Clothes are more expensive and harder to find. Keeping up with your friends and family is difficult. Simple things, like tying my shoe laces, putting on socks, or even worse, putting on and taking off my snow boots. Heck! Wearing my snow boots!
I don't want to be this way... but if I don't work at it, I won't fail. Crazy, I know, but it's the honest truth. And knowing, is not half the battle. Knowing is just part of accepting. Accepting does not lead to change. Wanting it is not enough. Someone how you have to believe that you can do it. I think that's the root of my problem - I don't know if I can do it, and I don't believe that I can. I've been overweight since I was 5 years old... how does one believe they can do something that they have not done in 25 years? 5/6th of my life I've been overweight. It's honestly all that I know.
I look at my sister and see glimmers of what I can be... In the beginning it was encouraging, now it's discouraging... I feel like I'm looking at what I will never be.
This has all been brought on by this afternoon's impending event.
I'm trying on wedding dresses. I did not think I would be doing this at 300+ lbs.
I don't want to see my hippo butt... or swollen legs and feet (which I am sure to have after working all day). Or my arms, ugh, my upper arms... At least I'm not as white as I was a month ago, that's a good thing.
I want to feel beautiful on my wedding day. How will I do that if I don't even feel pretty on a regular day?
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