A Ladybug's Journey

Have you ever known, intellectually, what you needed to do, but struggled to find the faith to do it?  That's where I am, right now, as I sit here.  Today, I have eaten 12 thin Oreo's (not joking, thin Oreo's are a thing), not sure how many Doritos's, same with the hot pork rinds, 12 Ritz crackers, 6 slices of salami and 3 slices of  smoked Gouda. #1 - I have a thing for multiples of 3 #2 - I need to stop joking about the above. #3 - I need to figure out how to find it within myself to turn my destructive food behaviors over to a power greater than myself.  I know this is something that I must so, but, how do I go about it?  Knowing something in your brain, and knowing it in your heart, are not the same thing.  If your brain could tell your heart what to believe, how to feel, what to do, the world would be a better place. Food is my illness.  I can go into brief periods of remission, but the illness is still there, waiting to rear it's ugly head. ...

Why have I not discovered these before?  Oh the amount of kale that has gone to waste this summer that I did not use in my morning smoothies in time and it went bad. I've heard of homemade kale chips for a long time, probably a couple of years, but I didn't know how easy they were to make until a few months ago.  I'm not sure why I didn't try to make them before, maybe because it was too hot to turn on the oven, maybe I'm forgetful and would just forget, or maybe it was some other reason. But today everything changed.  I got a bunch of kale in my CSA box today and I immediately came home, looked up some recipes for inspiration on Pintrest, then did a little of each that sounded best... and made two batches (the bunch of kale was pretty big). As the second batch baked I tentatively tried a piece from the first batch - ranch kale chips.  I was shocked.  I didn't hate it!  I took another bite.  I was shocked again, I didn't even dislike it.  A...

Sunday was the 2nd week of TrackTown Fitness.  It was once again an amazing morning (not too sure how many more we will get) in an inspirational location.  I love getting out there on the beautiful track at Hayward Field and walking in the company of 200 other people, some walking, some running and some with a combo of both.  There are Olympians and the 2016 USA Track & Field Coach is the one leading our program.  I am truly lucky for this opportunity. TrackTown USA Thursday starts the Walktober challenge at work, where we will be challenged to walk 10,000 steps each day, with a prize at 100,000, 200,000, and 300,000 steps (10, 20 and 30 days).  I'm looking forward to the challenge.  I've already been trying to hit my 10,000 steps, but some days I let myself slack.  I'm hoping working towards this challenge will help me hit my goals on days I feel like slacking. Yesterday was the Super Harvest Moon.  Babe and I went out in ...

All I can think about it Little Caesars pizza... Deep Dish and Italian Bread Sticks to be exact.  Made pizza for dinner, on whole wheat pitta with turkey pepperoni, but, it did not satisfy the craving at all.  I'm struggling with NOT giving in, but, I have to be honest, it's a damn good thing they don't deliver.  I changed out of my day clothes and into my nightshirt knowing I won't get dressed again to go out and I will not go in my PJs. Why does it have to be so damn good? And why has it had to have been stuck in my head for almost two weeks now that I want it? I'm almost to the point where I'm starting to think that giving in is what I need.  How crazy is that?  no one NEEDS pizza, let alone a specific brand. WTF. I have problems.

I wasn't sure how to finish the title of this post. Overcoming setbacks, overcoming negative self image, overcoming life... any of these and so many more fit. It's been a hard week or so. My 33rd birthday came and went.  Didn't celebrate on the day of like I had planned, but I was able to celebrate a few days later with friends at a party here at my home.  I honestly felt amazing having friends here to celebrate my day. Food wise, it's not been a good week.  Friday for my birthday I ate lots of party food and there were homemade margaritas.  Saturday for the duck game and lunch there was nacho's and dip, then pizza for dinner and lots of alcohol.  Yesterday there was a food indulgence that I'm still trying to get my mind around.  I didn't want it, it wasn't good, but I had it any how. Working out wise, I've been terrible.  Last week I worked out twice.  It was so hot I couldn't bring myself to do it.  Still haven't gotten back on th...

I did it.  I had a loss.  And a BIG loss at that.  I feel it is really a reflection of 2 weeks worth of work, not just one, however, it was an AMAZING loss!  I have now lost 5% of my highest weight and I'm 1 lb away from a 23 lb loss!!! I am totally going to go today what I always promised myself I never would.  I am going to celebrate a scale loss with a food reward.  However... before you start your lecture... It's going to be with the first salad I ever learned to love.  I'm going to lunch with some gals and I'm having salad.. and yes, maybe a breadstick or two. I worked hard this week, next week I will work harder.  My birthday gift to myself will be a loss, after pizza on my birthday.  I might weigh in Friday morning though, if I plan on drinking on Friday night.  We'll see, I might not drink.

I am feeling pretty defeated at the moment. I gained 1.5 over last week's loss, which was 2.3 over yesterday's weigh in (yes, I know, i shouldn't have gotten on the scale yesterday, but I did). I thought  I was doing pretty damn good.  I was under my calorie goal all week, was getting all my water and only didn't hit my 10,000 steps and 30 min workout 2 days last week. By the numbers, I should  have lost. I really didn't think having a cheat meal last night for the game would have done all this bad, but, It seems that it did. Oh, well, time to refocus.  Last week is now in the past and today is the start of a new week.  Time to pick myself back up, brush off the negativity and move on for another week. Let's see what is brings.